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Pattern - The Fictional Diaries of Ms. Spell
Born with the sole purpose of making a bad pun

Ms. Spell
2007-06-15 22:30
fandom: lost, genre: angst, genre: drama, genre: romance, jack shephard, jacket, juliet burke, un_love_you prompt
un_love_you, #02: “I was wrong about you.”
Rating: PG
Characters: Jack Shephard, Juliet Burke
Timeline: Post-rescue, prequel to Emergency Call.
Word count: 582
Disclaimer: This is a fictional, nonprofit work for entertainment purpose only. The copyright in the TV show LOST and its components is owned by "American Broadcast Companies, Inc.", which reserves all rights therein.

You first saw the pattern when he started to spend more and more time at work. It was in his eyes, barely set on you; in the way he never seemed to hear a word of what you said; in his touch – or lack thereof. You saw your life repeating itself when every night he would get home (if that could still be considered home) and bury himself on that laptop. It never really mattered to you if it was for some free porn or a teenage girlfriend, or if it was indeed, hypothetically, for the greater good.

You wonder if you’re asking for too much. You always wondered if you were asking for too much.

The pattern was there again while you lied to yourself that this would be different, that he would be different. He would be warm when the others were frozen, fierce when the others were placid. He would be able to light a previously unknown fire in your body – in your heart – in your very soul.

You were that stupid, weren’t you.

It took you a while, but eventually you admitted it: you were falling into the same old pattern yet again, following a man around like a toddler and waiting patiently for him to get tired of his more important matters. It’s not an easy conclusion to make, when you truly believe you love the origin of your pain.

You wanted to talk to him about that, try to open his eyes to the situation; maybe he didn’t even notice what he was doing to you (men are like that). That was, of course, the first night he didn’t come home.


You waited until the tears dried up (it took days). Then you started planning. That’s your nature.

Eventually comes the night when you pack your things in the quiet dark bedroom you two once shared. He’s in the living room, drawing routes on a worn world atlas. You wonder if he would have noticed you were gone at all, hadn’t you talked. “It’s been a year.”

He pauses the pen without turning his face away. “Since what?”

“Since you bought the first map.” You wonder if he remembers. He surely didn’t remember the anniversary of your first kiss, of your first fuck. He probably doesn’t even know your birthday, after all. You never cared to tell him. “I’m leaving”, you say, even though it’s ridiculously obvious from the heavy travel bag hanging on your shoulder.

That’s when he looks up from the oceans and continents, runs his eyes over you from head to toe (a long time ago it meant sex, now it’s just dark circles of contempt under his eyes). It’s a single, languid move when he falls back on the chair, drops his pen away over the table, sighs, clicks his tongue and murmurs (his gaze not daring to touch you), “There’s nothing I can do, right?”

You shake your head, even though inside you’re screaming yes there is you asshole.

He turns his face to the ceiling, eyes closed. He’s calm, and that’s what hurts you the most – that he’s not even a little bit angry, not battling you, not yelling “I can fix this”.

He’s letting you go. You suppose it’s because you never meant that much anyway.

Before you reach the doorknob, the sound of his chuckle makes you turn around. “What?”

Déjà vu”, he rises his eyebrows.


He sees the pattern, too, as you close the door.

myrriadd: juliet
2007-06-16 04:57 (UTC)
(no subject)
i liked this alot! it was bittersweet and sad.
it explains the events of the next part, but also works as a stand-alone.

there were lots of highlights in this fic, but this sentence was my favourite (and i love sentences, and words, taken out of context): He’s calm, and that’s what hurts you the most – that he’s not even a little bit angry, not battling you, not yelling “I can fix this”.

jack's never been my favourite character, but this numb depressed jack makes me like him better, it makes him more interesting. (sounds kind of horrible, doesn't it? :D)

anyway, good job!

Ms. Spell
2007-06-16 23:03 (UTC)
(no subject)
Thank you! And don't worry, I guess I understand what you mean about Jack (even though I loved him from the start, haha :D). The xtreme!emo!Jack shown in the flash-forward certainly added a few more layers to the character and made him more interesting. (As a Jack fan I just want to give him a big hug and say everything will be ok, but as a fic writer I loved the way things turned out. XD)

Erica.: Its all in his eyes
2007-06-16 10:45 (UTC)
(no subject)
AV:Its all in his eyes
Once again you've hit a blinder here babes :D

Ever since the finale aired I've thought about the possibility of this happening in a flashforward and if it ever does the writer so need to take a leaf outta your book LOL

The "Deja vu" line at the end is just heartbreaking **blubs**

Awsome stuff doll xxxxxx

Ms. Spell: Jack
2007-06-16 23:12 (UTC)
(no subject)
Haha, thank you very much! :D (As for what we might see in future episodes, I think I'm fine as long as Jules is alive. Not seeing her in the FF left me with that irrational fear. ._.')

I'm particularly proud of that ending, so I'm glad to know it works for other people too. ;D

twix: all is not lost
2009-01-05 03:40 (UTC)
(no subject)
AV:all is not lost
This is I agree, the "Deja vu" line was great!