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Bonded Labor - The Fictional Diaries of Ms. Spell
Born with the sole purpose of making a bad pun

Ms. Spell
2007-07-21 11:26
Bonded Labor
benjamin linus, fandom: lost, genre: drama, genre: gen, juliet burke, un_love_you prompt
Bonded Labor
un_love_you, #08: “I’m cruel.”
Word count: 434
Characters: Benjamin Linus (mentions), Juliet Burke
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: “One of Us”
Disclaimer: This is a fictional, nonprofit work for entertainment purpose only. The copyright in the TV show LOST and its components is owned by "American Broadcast Companies, Inc.", which reserves all rights therein.

If only I were one of those women. Those women that wave their arms around, that throw glasses to the walls, dishes to the floor. I could make a wreckage out of your kitchen, Ben. If only I could move. If only I could have any other reaction than curling against your counter and crying.

What you said—what you did over those three years—

You're so cruel, Ben.

It wasn't enough that you wanted me to do the impossible, to bring those mothers back from the dead – yes, because all of them were dead way before they noticed their periods were late. You want a cure but you won't even let me follow a scientifical logic. How ironic that a man so proud of his intellect wants me to find an answer out of thin air.

Now that would have been hard enough for me. You know I value my work. You know I don't take my own failures easily. You know I'll swallow down their deaths and carry that feeling on my stomach for the rest of my life. (What are you going to tell me now, Ben? That the island won't let me have an ulcer?)

But it wasn't enough for you. You had to chain me to your feet, had to hold me around for as long as you would judge necessary – and obviously for that end you would play the game the way you always do. You gave me that goddamn file with the vague promise that the so-almighty Jacob would save Rachel. And did you leave me any other choice? Of course you didn’t. You threw me into this lose-lose situation, ripped my heart out of my ribcage and put it on your shelter of trophies. Because that's who you are.

You are a liar. A monstrous, disgusting liar. You won't even let me take some pleasure out of seeing your rotten corpse. Your disgrace is my sister's disgrace. I can't even laugh at you.

But I’ve learned things from you, Ben. Even if Rachel is dead, even if (according to your oh-so-clear vision of the world) I have no reason for going back home, I will go. Because I want to go. Because you want me to stay. I'll make up the answer for your women's problem out of the blue, just like you expect me to do. I'll buy my own freedom, if that's my only way out.

I'll leave this island and you'll have to watch, Ben. I swear, I'll leave this place before you die.

Just so you know, I can be cruel, too.